Tag Archives: self care

Dear Graduate Student

Our COVID-19 anniversary has come and gone. What exactly did we all endure? I am sure there has been an array of thoughts and emotions. As students…

We navigated a new world.
We cradled our pets.
We watered our plants.
We sat in virtual meetings.
We started a new hobby.
We tended to our families.
And maybe we lost motivation along the way.

We received our diplomas through a screen.
We cheered while reviewing acceptance letters.
We had dived into our research.
We passed our competency exams.
We defended our dissertations.
We matched.
We got our dream post-doc job.
Or maybe we grieved because… we didn’t.

We welcomed new agendas on the horizon.
We felt a sense of self.
Maybe we lost our identity and faith in the world.

We shared disappointment as well as delight.
We divided.
We bound.
We were strong.
We were tired.

It has been a tough year, and I simply want to acknowledge what you have encountered as a graduate student. Your lives are dynamic and beautiful.

With that said,
I validate the feelings that you are having.
I honor your story and experiences.
I encourage you to find safe supports with whom to share your triumphs and pain.
I invite you to embrace the present moment and breathe.
I stand with you precisely as you are.

Finally, I would like to remind you that:
You are capable.
You are loved.
You are enough.
…That is all.

What Keeps Me Going During COVID-19: Journey of an International Graduate Student

The COVID-19 pandemic has impacted all of us differently. While it’s not easy or fair to compare who was affected the most, staying away from home and family has been incredibly hard on international students. I have stayed indoors for the past three months and have experienced overwhelming emotions regarding personal loss and professional uncertainty.

Away from Home  

My home country India is fighting COVID in a manner that is very different from United States. I share this concern with many of my Indian friends that to be safe in India largely depends on the action of our own family members. The government machinery is under immense pressure and has not been able to respond to the rising public needs in the wake of the pandemic. Every day I would hear new challenges from my family back home – from grocery stores running out of basic food items to people unsuccessfully lining up for hours to get the government sanctioned ration; from overcrowded hospitals to healthcare workers getting infected in the absence of adequate Personal Protection Equipment (PPE). In this atmosphere, it’s unsettling and emotionally draining to imagine how my parents would manage if something were to happen to them. In times of crisis it is natural to stay with one’s family. Not knowing whether and when I would be able to see them again adds an additional layer of sadness and helplessness.

Losing Loved Ones

COVID19 has brought incessant personal losses for me. This has made me reflect on how I process the plethora of complex emotions that loss brings. It all started with my mother calling me one day to inform that my grandfather has been diagnosed with prostate cancer and only has a few days left. It is largely my mother who takes care of her father and her father in law. Every day, she would feed my paternal grandfather in the morning and then visit her father at the other end of the city in the afternoon. When a lockdown was announced, she had to stop this commute. It was painful to listen to a daughter’s grief of not being able to meet her dying father in his last few days.

At the same time, my husband lost both of his grandparents to health challenges in India. He had just moved to the Unites States and this news was a shock for him. I wasn’t sure what kind of support I could offer him. He clearly wanted to be back home with his family and mourn with them. Almost simultaneously, our close friend and flat mate, a Chilean, discovered that his mother fractured her leg from a fall and that his father has cancer. He rushed to book his flight home to Chile. It was bittersweet that he got to be with his father in his last days; he passed away after a week. It was not just humans, one of our dogs who I admired for her resilience throughout my life, also died during this time back in India.

Perhaps being so far away from home, we don’t feel the full force of our emotions when hearing about these tragic events. Maybe our bodies, in order to protect ourselves, grows a thick skin against such news. The only thing I look forward to now is our hopeful trip back to India in December. 

The plight of Migrants

Watching news every day from India hit a new low for me. As the lock-down was announced, an estimated number of 130 million migrant workers started to walk back to their villages from big cities like Delhi and Mumbai due to a of loss of work opportunities. They were travelling distances like 1,600 kilometers on foot, often dying due to hunger and/or heat as well as being subjected to immensely undignified measures at various stops like being sprayed with disinfectants by government officials after reaching Bareilly (a city in the state of Uttar Pradesh). There was also heartwarming news about how locals and nonprofits stepped up to provide food and shelter at many places. But the overwhelming response I saw from the state and fellow Indians indicated that these migrants don’t belong to the country. It broke my heart not just to read about their unwarranted struggles but also my own helplessness that I was unable to do much for them at this time.

Coming Home: The Funding Crisis in Academia

It is not unknown that many departments and universities are facing extremely difficult situations in terms of supporting their graduate students. While this affects all students, it affects some more than the others. International students often lack both financial as well as social safety nets that can be vital during these times. In many cases, not having money simply means stopping your research and going back home. I was fortunate to have been able to navigate this situation due to a supportive program and faculty at my university. But my conversations with friends and the larger international community have highlighted the extent of mental pressure international students felt during this time. Unlike others, they cannot move in with their parents if they don’t have the stipend to pay their rent. Overall, the cost of pursuing a PhD – a 5-year long journey – in another country comes at a huge price for many of us. So uncertain situations such as the current pandemic make us question whether it’s worth pursuing this direction at all.

Change in Research Directions

Right after the pandemic lock-down was announced and the universities physically shut their laboratories earlier this year, I was a part of a meeting between faculty and graduate students. Here, the primary question the graduate students were asked was – How do you think you would change your research direction now, given that the pandemic has rendered your earlier research plans unfeasible?

I was already grappling with understanding what had just happened when I felt a flurry of emotions run through me – helplessness, lack of support, and confusion. I didn’t have an answer to this question and I strongly wished this question was not asked in the meeting in such an unsympathetic manner. I felt two things: first, the entire onus has been put on me to find a new research direction almost making the pandemic my fault; and secondly, if I was not ready with the answer in this meeting, I was not working hard enough. I look up to the faculty as mentors – people who can problem solve with me and guide me through that process, not leave me stranded alone in midst of finding answers to research directions.

At this point some burning questions were raised for me: “What is the meaning of the work I am trying to do here? Or does it have any meaning at all?”

Down the road, when I look back on my life or when I think back on this time of crisis — will there be a respectable answer to the question: So what did you do at that point?

Personally, academic prowess means little if it doesn’t solve real life problems or help people in some way. One really questions the value of a PhD if it is stuck between the pandemic, lack of funding, migrants dying of heat and hunger, change in research directions and not being with family – something that has disturbed me immensely during this time.

What Kept/Keeps me going

Victor Frankl has talked about the importance of having a purpose in life that adds meaning to it. It is similar to the existentialist Buddhist philosophy that acknowledges that everything in this world is inherently meaningless and is never stable; one has to add meaning to objects, experiences and life itself. Both these sources have helped me survive and develop my own understanding around the pandemic and its impact. Frankl states that everything can be taken from a (wo)man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

For me, this was SwaTaleem, a nonprofit I co-founded. We work to enhance educational outcomes for young girls prone to early marriage. COVID-19 hit this community of girls in ways unimaginable for most of us. I can always come back to my research if there is a gap or disruption – it doesn’t mean the same thing for them. In communities where child marriages are high, disruption in education means never coming back to school; it means getting married. The residential schools where we work in, have been shut down and girls have been sent back home. Online education does not work in these settings. Even having a phone in a household doesn’t guarantee that a girl can access it. Being at home now, simply means a higher likelihood that the family will marry them off as a liability. In fact, a recent UN report suggests that COVID-19 will push 13 million more girls into child marriage.

The challenges that these girls face are much more serious than mine. In fact, if one looks closely at this community, they carry out negotiations each day fueled by resilience and resistance. What pride and joy it brings me to work for and with these girls. And it is simply this that has kept me going. Each day I get up, pausing my own ‘research’, and try to assemble some solutions for this complex social problem with equally committed and passionate people in India. It just gives a bigger meaning to my little pursuit of a degree, to the research I do, to the truth I seek and to my life. And I have realized that when you work for others, your problems seem small – always – and it somehow propels you to do better. Because there is a bigger driving force that makes you work harder.  

Getting Perspective

Building on the previous point, I want to highlight a larger angle on getting perspective in life. When I read the news on the migrants in India, the Amphan cyclone in South East Asia (strongest in a decade), the COVID-19 affected populations in Illinois around me (the majority of whom are Blacks and Latinas) and very recently, the collective resistance in the George Floyd case –  it humbles me. It gives me perspective as well as a deep sense of gratitude not just to what I have, but also to what some of my people all over the world are facing. I have food, shelter, work to do, a salary and a loving partner – this has been more than enough for me to sail through with empathy.

Support Systems

I have stayed away from my partner, now husband, for 1.5 years before he moved to the US earlier this year. During the pandemic, we were together, and it was truly a blessing. We also had a close friend of ours who stayed with us during the pandemic. Having this support system in place made so many things lighter for us to absorb as a collective. Sharing meals and conversations brought us closer but also lessened the daily impact of what each one of us was going through. Also, its encouraging how some of the faculty have taken active roles and stepped up to work in collaboration during this time to create an environment of support for us.

Hope

I will end with Hope – one of the most important qualities that keeps us going through the darkest times in our lives and what it means to me as an Indian international graduate student. 

I always think of the time when one day, soon enough,

I will be able to go back to India and breathe its air and listen to the chaos on the roads;

That I will be able to eat Chaat and Samosa and Masala Dosa;

That I will be able to see the girls back in school and ask how school is going and what they want to be in life?

That I will be able to meet and talk to the teachers on cold sunny mornings in Haryana about what we can improve in our program;

That I will be able to discuss program strategies with the team members while planning what to cook together in the evening (yes that’s how work happens in remote areas);

That I will be able to see and touch and play with my dogs and hug them like I want to now;

That I’ll be able to cycle on the busy roads of my hometown and have Chai with my mother in the evenings.

Our life gives us few chances where we can truly change what we believe in and what we do. Maybe this is one such chance and this ‘Hope’ can help us choose the right path.


Ananya Tiwari is a doctoral student in educational psychology at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign and the Program Coordinator for the Graduate Evaluation Diversity Internship (GEDI) program with the American Evaluation Association (AEA). She uses developmental psychology to study socio-emotional (SE) skills at the intersection of poverty and gender. Her focus areas are cross cultural measurements of SE skills, programme design, and evaluation using culturally responsive frameworks. Ananya is also the co-founder of the SwaTaleem Foundation that works with rural adolescent girls in India to enhance the educational outcomes through SE skills and human-centered design.

What Works for Me While Working From Home

Living in uncertainty and working from home is the new normal for most of us. We find ourselves working from home in the role of an employee, manager, home-school teacher, or student, dealing with anxiety about the new unsettled and unknown days ahead. If you feel stressed, you are not alone. We all are doing our best to navigate this uncharted time.

In the past few years, working from home has been the norm for me. I have had the opportunity to work from home to complete my current PhD program as well as serve as an online adjunct instructor. So, you might say, I am a bit of an expert on how to get work done while at home.

I would like to share four tips that have helped me work home with ease:

1.  Create a schedule prioritizing the top 3-5 daily tasks from the most important to the least. Make sure your tasks are realistic and can be accomplished within that day. By doing so, you can minimize crises and endless tasks, focusing focus your attention on what is urgent and immediate. Grouping similar tasks can maximize your efforts. For example, if you need to make several calls, make them at a specific time to reduce interruptions. Or set aside a block of time to pay bills, complete your work, and run errands. Also, try to answer all your emails at a designated time, rather than sporadically as they each come through.

2. Do difficult tasks during your high-energy time. Complete tasks that are important first, when your energy level is at its peak and your concentration is highest. I would suggest assessing your energy level during the day to determine when your energy is at the highest so that you will know when to work on top-priority goals. You will discover, as you work at your highest level of energy, you are more alert and focused and you will typically feel more energized.

3. Multi-task when possible. If you are in a position that requires caring for others while working at home, you may find that certain tasks can be done simultaneously. For example, it may be ideal to use flashcards or listen to audio recordings as you cook dinner or while supervising children’s homework/playtime. You can preview reports, skim summaries, review definitions, brainstorm ideas, outline a paper, quiz yourself or explain a chapter and its concepts/terms out loud. Any work that requires deeper concentration should be saved for your time alone. Completing more than one task at a time can free up additional hours for self-care or relaxation later.

4. Finally, reward yourself. After you have accomplished enough tasks to motivate yourself and keep going, rewarding yourself can be beneficial. For example, if you finish tasks in advance, make sure to reward yourself by taking that spare time and use it for your leisure. Perhaps treat yourself to an extra healthy snack, read a few book chapters, or enjoy a privilege you normally would not indulge in.

Remember, during this unique time, the most important thing is your health and well-being. While these work-from-home approaches work for me, find ones that work best for you. Try different strategies until you find the right fit that can be used even after the COVID-19 pandemic has subsided.


Author: Valamere Mikler MA, LSSYB, APA Leadership Development Fellow

For more tips on working from home from APA, see Psychologists’ advice for newly remote workers.

No One Prepared Us for Graduate School during a Pandemic: Quick Tips for Graduate Students

By Jill Jacobson, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist

Photo by Dollar Gill on Unsplash

In this time of uncertainty, one thing is clear: This semester is not going as planned! I recently participated in an American Psychological Association (APA) webinar for psychology training directors, called “Nobody prepared me for training during a pandemic,” and I realized that many graduate students might also find that this webinar’s title resonates with them. Faculty and students have been gearing up for distance learning over the past few weeks, and thanks to colleagues from near and far, many helpful technology guides and self-care resources have been shared with students. As a faculty member and training director, I’m often struck by the passion, pro-activity, and perseverance of our graduate students. This semester I am once again in awe of the ways our students are navigating the current circumstances with resilience and creativity. Graduate students who are able to continue their training this semester may find the following tips helpful as they make the most of their training during this time. [For those that have been personally affected by illness or loss, please know that our hearts are with you.]

  • Pay attention to your emotions: It is normal to feel a wide range of both positive and negative emotions right now. Take time to reflect on your feelings and identify ways to cope. Everyone has been affected by the pandemic in some way, and we are all adjusting to these circumstances. Part of that process is modifying our expectations about what this semester will look like. Based on how you’re feeling and your unique situation, consider modifying your expectations for productivity.
  • Structure your time: The hours, days, and weeks are running together. Some of our typical daily rituals might have been lost–getting ready for work, packing your lunch, commuting to campus, attending meetings and class, going to the gym, etc. It can be helpful to add some structure back into your day, whether it’s through a full day schedule of activities, weekly or daily to do list, or simple ritual around writing or active time. Keeping a log of certain activities, such as your research, can help you stay focused, share your progress with others, and start up again quickly if you take time off.
  • Be a focused and helpful distance learner: In addition to familiarizing yourself with technology tools and following guidelines sent by your instructors, it’s important to participate fully in your online learning activities. We’re experts at multitasking, but try signing off email and putting away your phone while you’re completing class requirements. You’ll learn more and feel more productive! Keep in mind that many instructors are new to distance learning. If something isn’t working for you, please share your feedback in a constructive way, such as emailing your instructor with an idea for improvement.
  • Check in with your advisor and other key individuals: Since you won’t have the opportunity to pop into your advisor’s office for a quick meeting, you’ll have to find other ways to touch base this semester. Take a proactive approach and reach out to your advisor, supervisor, and other key individuals to check in and let them know what you’re working on. For example, set up a virtual meeting or send regular email updates. Importantly, let others know if and how your work is impacted right now–many of us are managing child/elder care, scheduling, and high stress. If you can’t complete work or make adequate progress, talk to your advisor or program director about your situation and document this communication.
  • Keep in touch with your classmates: Remember those quick chats between classes and topics you kept discussing long after class ended? The conversations that used to happen on the fly can (and should) still take place! Schedule time to video chat and share activities with your classmates. There are so many creative ways to connect, such as meeting for a meal over Zoom, sharing Google slides showcasing what you’ve been working on and doing outside of work, gathering for a Netflix party, and participating in virtual events hosted by your program. In addition to staying social during what can be a very isolating time, this will help maintain your sense of connection and engagement within the program.
  • Look for the silver lining: This semester your training has been marked by compromise and sacrifice, and it is normal for you to feel grief over the loss of the training experiences you were counting on. In addition to practicing self-care strategies, consider the silver lining: Is there something that you can learn this semester that you wouldn’t ordinarily be able to learn? What skills might you develop or enhance? For example, how can you use the time you are no longer commuting to/from campus? Perhaps there is a workshop now available as a webinar or at a discounted rate. You might also be able to contribute your skills and knowledge in a way that benefits the community, such as helping develop online modules or resources. As we’re adapting to distance learning, all of us have the opportunity to learn something new along the way.

Jill Jacobson, Ph.D., Assistant Clinical Professor, is the Director of Training for the School Psychology Doctoral Program at the University of Maryland–College Park. She is a Licensed Psychologist and Nationally Certified School Psychologist. Dr. Jacobson’s research and professional interests include effective supervision practices, school psychology training, and consultation.

Self-Care on a Student Budget

When I hear the term self-care I automatically envision myself relaxing at a luxurious spa with cucumbers over my eyes, laying in a mud bath from a natural hot spring. Unfortunately, I have never actually been to a spa, although I definitely plan to treat myself to a fancy spa day when I am no longer a broke college student! Nonetheless, self-care to me has almost always involved spending money whether that be $5 towards a bubble tea, or a bit more on a new shirt or iPhone accessory. The same rings true for many of my friends, particularly my best friend, Sara, who takes multiple trips to the mall every week in the name of self-care and in the spirit of “Treat yourself.”

And you absolutely should treat yourself, right?

You, hardworking YOU, deserves that brand-new item you’ve been eyeing or those concert tickets you’ve been contemplating for weeks. However, it is important for us to understand that engaging in self-care does not require you to spend this week’s pay check. In fact, self-care does not require you to spend any money at all.

Yesterday, for APA’s Active Week 2019, employees were given the opportunity to go to the U.S. Botanic Garden for about an hour and a half in the morning. Eight of us set off at 9:45 am on a mile-long walk to the garden and were back a little bit after 11:00 am. This was my very first time at the Botanic Garden and it did not disappoint (except for the fact that the Butterfly Garden included no actual butterflies but that is a conversation for another time). I have always loved flowers ever since I was a child and the Botanic Garden offered an impressive array of flowers and plants found all over the World. The excursion gave each of us a chance to get away from our desks for a bit during the work day, and the views on the walk there as well as at the actual garden itself were a huge bonus. It was a great experience and I plan to go back and visit soon.

Orange Marmalade Firecracker Flowers at the entrance of the U.S. Botanic Garden

The excursion to the Garden was something I didn’t know I needed but I came back feeling refreshed and content. I was ready to get back to work after the short break and I didn’t realize until after that I was practicing self-care. The term itself is defined as any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Self-care seems easy enough, but it is often forgotten and overlooked, especially when life gets busy.  There are numerous benefits of self-care including better physical and emotional health, improved mood, and reduced stress and anxiety, to name a few. Self-care also combats burnout which can occur when you exert all your energy towards taking care of others, while neglecting yourself in the process. So, in conclusion, engaging in self-care is extremely important to live your best, most meaningful life. Although you may not necessarily be able to take a walk to the Botanic Garden, do something that makes you happy, whether that be taking a quick a walk, getting an extra hour of sleep at night, spending some time with a friend, or a taking hot bath before bed. Make sure to check in on yourself, find time to unplug, and take the time today that will have a positive impact on you going forward. Treat yourself!

Sources referenced:

Not sure where to start on your self-care journey? Here are some helpful links:


Sydney Wade is a rising college senior attending school in Austin, TX. She is originally from Maryland and spent this summer working as an intern for APA’s Early Career & Graduate Student Affairs.